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What about your friends?

Growing up in Baltimore City I fell in love with Hip-Hop music. I listened to everyone from Grand Puba to Digital Underground, Pac, Biggie and many others that did not contribute positively to my spiritual growth. One group that was hot at that time was "TLC". As I titled this post I thought of their song "What about your friends? Will they stand their ground? Will they let you down? Are they gonna be around?" <---beside the point

A genuine friendship as I've come to define it... is a bi-lateral and co-equal relationship between two people who share details of their life (past/present/future) without the fear of rejection.

Based on this definition I have a few "friends".

In the sense that I openly share myself with them and they with me. I know their thoughts, feelings, experiences etc. Those relationships are few. I have MANY MANY MANY relationships with people I enjoy but our exchanges remain limited around a topic or subject. They aren't "life" relationships.

Many pastors are "friendly" with people but I've discovered that most have no true friends (apart from their spouse if they're fortunate to even consider their spouse a 'friend').

Jesus loved the world but in His sovereignty only personally saw a percentage face to face... He spent a lot of time with 12, hung out tightly with 3 and the bible records 1 was the one 'whom He loved'. He modeled this healthy relationship pattern for us to follow.

My thoughts:

1. Pastor you seriously need a friend.

2. Quit pretending that you have a lot of friends when they are really acquaintances.

3. To make friends of acquaintances, become vulnerable, share experiences, share fears, dreams, thoughts, etc.

4. This/These friend(s) should be of your same sex or else you're asking for a destroyed ministry and marriage.

5. To have a friend you have to be a friend.

6. Everyone doesn't have to be your true friend.

7. Learn to be comfortable in your skin if you realize people don't like you.

8. Youth Pastors ARE NEVER FRIENDS with students. If you're 25 and need a 15 year old friend, get out of the ministry.

9. You can be FRIENDLY without being 'friends'.

10. Genuine friendship takes time.

Nurture the lives of others and you'll see which ones are worth pursuing toward true friendship and which ones should stick as acquaintance phase. Many of my acquaintances are 'friends in waiting' or 'potential friends'.

One more thing... Friends shine when you're faced with adversity. When you go through hell, look around... your true friends are standing there with you.

posted by Tally Wilgis @ Monday, February 26, 2007


At 9:39 AM, Anonymous Dottie said...

Tally- i like that post. this was right up my alley and it was worth the read


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