No 2 for ones here
As I mentioned earlier today, you must visit Perry Noble's post from today.
As Perry said, the following is directed towards Pastors but is vital for everyone.
Here's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
While I was a youth Pastor, my wife and I moved from Texas to Virginia. At about the 3rd staff meeting the issue was raised about the Pastor's wives not helping with the setup of chairs. Apparently some people were whining in the church about the staff wives coming in a little later (still early, just not when the truck pulled up) and not helping with the setup of the main auditorium.
Being new (and in shock) I waited and let everyone else talk. I heard "well, we could spin it this way." or "Maybe our wives could set up some chairs." I heard a serious conversation of people who were perplexed and wanted to keep the peace.
I finally spoke up and said "This is garbage. My name is on the check, not my wife. Number two... if they have a problem with my wife, let them come talk to myself or her." I was quickly assured that we just arrived, and this had nothing to do with Kristy. I said "Yes it does. How you handle this as a staff directly impacts my wife and I'm telling you that this is not up for debate. These people who want to whine need to know that my wife's best ministry is as my wife and whatever she does on Sundays or any other day of the week is out of her own passion and gift-mix. She is not to be held accountable for setting up chairs. We have a church of hundreds... our wives are not the only people who can do some more work around here. This is not up for discussion with me."
Everyone paused and then the room shifted. It was as if everyone was given permission to really share their hearts. Then the men in the room began to say "Yeah, and this guy who's complaining should come to each of us, not talk behind our backs." another said "And in fact, this person is seldom there all of the time anyway." another "And our wives do a lot of stuff that people don't know about."
It was amazing. I didn't realize at that time how many Pastors had this flipped upside down.
My wife is amazing. I love her. She's my partner and my best friend. We are truly ONE at this point in our lives. But we are not ONE when it comes to getting chewed out in a staff meeting. If someone wants to question my 'work' within the church, fine. I took the job. Our churches need to know however that our wives are not a second free employee. We need to be men and seperate the stereotypes from the standards in our families.
Should your wife be active in the church? Yeah. But as any other member.
Since we've started the church Kristy only does what Kristy chooses to do. At times she's done letters, cards, visiting. Other times she's done nursery or helped with setup. Everything she's done has been because she believes in God's calling for this church and her involvement in it as a member. But above all of that do you know where her ministry is? He's typing these words.
My wife is a minister to me. She knows me better than any Pastor I've ever met and you know what? She speaks words of truth into my life. God uses her in ways he could never use a phone call, a televangelist, or podcast to fill my spiritual needs. She keeps our home in order and keeps me grounded. She takes care of our son and has meals ready for me. She encourages me when the world walks out and she tugs at my shirt when I get a little too full of myself. My wife's most valuable ministry time is NOT on Sundays or any day in front of church people. My wife is the most valued to our church when she's alone with me by my side.
Pastors. Please. Do not let your family take the hit for the ministry. The job you have will always be there tomorrow. Ultimately if you really think you're that important to the success of the ministry... you're not. I heard a long time ago "The grave is full of indespensible people."
We will build HIS church, not ours. The funny thing is that one of the qualifications to lead is to be a great husband and to take care of your family.
Are you God's man first in your home? Or do you just play one on Sundays?
posted by Tally Wilgis @ Thursday, December 01, 2005
- At 10:16 PM, RMc said...
Great words, Bro. And the actions to back it up too. I would be in deep doo if it weren't for my wife doing the same things for me in ministering to me.
- At 5:08 PM, said...
I agree completely. I do wonder if things are considered different if the husband is the non-pastor in the family.