Accepting Well

I've had to learn how to accept gracefully. I'm okay with giving, I enjoy it. If I'm blessed I want to be a blessing. One of the things I've had to learn however is how to receive.

Receiving a compliment.
Receiving a gift.
Receiving recognition.

These are all areas where I've had to learn how to accept. My problem wasn't greed, it was it's ugly opposite. My problem was deflecting gifts. I wouldn't want the recognition or praise. If it was financial, I wouldn't like to receive things from someone whom I knew I was better off.

I would downplay the receiving. When I did this, I was raining on the giver's parade. I had to learn to just shutup and accept gracefully. After all, isn't that what I wanted from those whom I helped in the past?

Well, with that thought I want to talk about receiving new attendees. Yesterday I spoke about people leaving a church but today is about people (Christians) who come to your church. How should you receive?

I'm speaking from my own mind here not from the red-tape of denominational differences so if I step on your red tape, 'pardon me' as I speak openly.
1. Don't seem desperate- When Pastors get a new guest and you hear they used to attend ____ church, don't turn up the desire quotient. I recall serving under my first Pastor who came to staff meeting all pumped about this one couple that had just come from Fellowship Church in Dallas. Before we went for a visit he was overly excited and basically had his tongue wagging as he said "Now we want this couple. They're the prototype of what were going for!" How lame. People want to be wanted for the church to love them and accept them, baggage and all. Not because they have a big-name dog tag. When you look desperate... well, you look desperate.
2. Ask questions- This is a marriage. Pastors, you're charged with protecting the flock. Ask questions before you jump in bed with these people. Not to interrogate like Abu Ghraib but to get to know this person. When I was young, my home church accepted anyone to just walk the aisle and 'join'. We knew nothing about these people. I don't know about you, but for me it seems that if they're already Christians, they are already saved. They don't need to join your local church for salvation. They are already in the Church. Joining a local congregation should involve a little more than "Hi, I'm Bob, this is my second visit... we like the carpet and the people sure seem like Maybury... we want to join."

Some questions I routinely ask: I'm sure there are others...
- What is your testimony (spiritual story, etc.)?
- How did you hear about us?
- Where did you last attend?
- Why did you leave?
- Do you currently have any unresolved conflict with another believer, church or Pastor? (This one is on our membership covenant as the last box they check before they sign.) I won't let people join our fellowship if they're running from problems elsewhere.
- What made you chose this church to start attending?
- What are your expectations for our church?
3. Give your non-negotiables- As the Pastor, you have to be honest with people and say "This is who we are and this is how we do things." Otherwise, you're misleading people to join your corner of the world. They will naturally try to fit in somewhere and then they'll likely get told how the ship is run. Be up front with people. Treat the time you spend with potential members as courting. As you ask them about their background, give some of yours. It's also wise to tell them where you're going. Don't have people join before they know what they're joining.
4. Offer to help- People need to know that you're their Pastor. Part of that is offering to bring them along spiritually. Find out how you can best serve this family. Do they have needs you can meet, do they know their spiritual gifts... etc. How can this be a two-way street. You don't want them just coming and soaking up a message... you want to be involved in their lives for the next few years. If you're in a larger church, this part can be done by whomever will have the most contact (likely a ministry leader or small group leader).

5. Don't be afraid to say "We're probably not the right fit." If you get a feeling in your gut (Holy Spirit) :) , that says "They won't work here." Go with it. Don't try to fix everybody or change the church to suit one family with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. If they don't fit, let them go. Live with your palms open. Not everyone is meant to attend your particular corner of the world. It's okay. Think of yourself as a small group among all of the brother/sister churches in town. I often say to people when I first meet them "If were not the right fit for you, I'd love the opportunity to talk with you about some other great churches in town. The Pastors tend to know each other so if I know what you're looking for, chances are I know what church would fit the bill." Thus far, I've helped several families find other places that fit better. I'm not upset by that. The reality is that if they don't fit, they don't fit. I've had too many experiences where I tried to fit a round peg into a square hole. It doesn't work. They will be a problem sooner or later. Give them to God, love them with all your might, but let them find a better place.

I'm not trying to be mean about this... but you have to know that you can't fix everyone. If they come into your church talking trash about their last Pastor and you think you can fix them... guess what? You're next. If you think they will gossip about their last church to you but somehow stop all gossip once they enter your congregation... You're Next. Take a balanced and slow approach to this. Treat it as courting your mate and you'll end up with a good marriage. Don't justify lying to yourself or others just to get a few more fannies in the seats.

If you blend some of this with some other things that are important to you, you too will learn how to accept people into your church gracefully.